RMTSK

Cindy Batz

Hi, My name is Cindy. I am a very happily married, 49 years old, Cross Dresser with a 26-year-old son. As I read other members biographies they seem to be pretty much the same. It appears to me that most of us grew up alone and ashamed of our feminine side. If only we knew of all the sisters and support we could have shared over the years. I hope that we don't let another young man grow up ashamed of his feminine side. Here is my story: I lived in a close and loving family with my two brothers. My first cross-dressing memory was when I was six year old. I was in the restroom and tried on my mom's skirt and sweater. It was such a rush I did not want to take them off. From that time on I tried on my mom's clothes at every opportunity. My first time in public was when I was eight years old. My mom was the Cub Scout leader and when we needed a girl in a play. I was picked because no one else would do it. Of coarse, I had to object. But, I loved the chance to dress as a girl in public. I always was ashamed of myself for the need to dress in girls' clothes. But, the feeling I received when I dressed drowned out the shame I felt. Over the years I threw out all my feminine clothes many times and vowed to be "normal", only to start my collection all over again. I never told anyone about my cross-dressing, only my dog knew the truth, and he ain't talking. 

I questioned my sexuality many times. Was I gay? What am I? Why do I have to do this? When I moved out of my parents home to attend college I was in heaven. I dressed up every day and my wardrobe grew and grew. All the time, wishing I could go out in public and knowing I never could. All dressed up and no place to go. When I met my wife, Laura, and we married I new I would never dress up again. With my new wife, and life, my cross dressing days where over. For about six months. 

Less than two years into our marriage Laura found my small stash of clothes. I told her about my cross dressing and put the clothes on to show her. She seemed to accept it. But, I never gave her the chance to talk to me about it. I was unable to dress in front of her and act feminine. I wanted her to think of me as the man she married. During our 27-year marriage she went out with me twice while I was dressed. Once hiking in the woods behind our house and another time to attempt a shopping trip. I chickened out. I went on for years dressing for a few minutes or hours at a time. But, only when Laura was gone. Even thought she knew I was unable to include her in my whole life. I suppose I feared that I would drive her away. When I discovered the Internet and all the cross dressing sisters out there I started contacting them and found a great sister and friend Heather. We chatted on the net and made plans to go to Phyllis' Fantasy House in Denver for a makeover, photo's and nightclub excursions. That was the start of my new life. I included my wife in my cross dressing life and with the help of Tri-Ess, our social life has blossomed and both of our wardrobes have greatly improved. We have attended a ballet, a country dinner theater and many other Tri-Ess sponsored events. I no longer feel the guilt of having to dress feminine behind Laura's back. I asked Laura, how she could accept my cross-dressing with such ease. She said something like this: I married you for who you are, the whole you, and Cindy is part of you. Who knows maybe she is the part I like the most. Thank you Laura for your love and understanding. Also, thank you Heather, Phyllis, Johanna, Sue Anne, and all the other Tri-Ess sisters that have helped me so much.

Love to all my cross dressing sisters,
Cindy
Member since December 2001